nostalgiaultra:

Me in the party: Gosh golly! This beat is… Whoo! This beat is… DANDY!

  • *throws tissue into trash can from two feet away*
  • me: BALLIN
  • me: BALL IS LIFE
  • me: BASKETBALL NEVER SLEEPS
  • me: KOBE TELL ME HOW MY ASS TASTES
31,055 plays

bonerfart:

Me: my son is so tiny i must have the tiniest son in the world

Doctor: this is a regular sized baby, i don’t think you understand how babies work

Me: I love my tiny son